Today is the 26th of April 2009.... I dont know how he feels towards me during the movie session date, coz he dint tell me anything. I hope, he can tell me more.

I dont know y, i really miss him. I feel, we are made for each other.

Many people says, Eileen, u seemed to be alright le. U are very strong le. Thank you, for all your encouragement and support these few months.

I am alright, on the surface le. At least, everyone is happy to see the current me, when they meet me. More lively, more chatty...

But i dread loneliness. I m afriad of thinking back what happen in Feb 2009, the 28th of Feb 09... The pain juz came, so hard, so painful... Till today, when i see the little ones on the street, it will kinda makes me reflect...

My heart was crying at times, but, my eyes have to remain cheerful, my smile have to be pretty... Feels fake at times... Eileen is longer the way she is in the past...

I want it back!

I dreamt of him

I dreamt of alvin, like, again. Hai! Maybe i just loved him too much. Miss him so much!

I saw the ring which had our names. I wanted to put it on my finger, but, maybe it should go to my neck instead, the place near my heart.

Alvin is my Sole Choice. A sole Choice, will last forever.

If i nvr love him very much, i guess, I will nvr had been so upset.

These few days, more than a week, running to Nicolas, I thought I can completely forget him. But, i really cannot. Time spent with him, will reminds me of Wenya. Argh. I dont know what to do.

Picture Post

This post, will be mostly pictures, since I am in the mood to upload my pictures!

Our Rings

The boy's 22nd Birthday

Work is having problems... but not a major one for me, in fact, it might be a blessing in disguise.

Today, while watching SCV, i saw the male lead piggy back the lady. It reminded me of him again, of those days, we smile together, having lots of fun. I saw how he held on to her hands, telling her he will not let go. He used to said it to me, that was then.

Maybe my intuition was proven right again. I remember before he went into NS in 2007, we had a big problem, as i was struggling to let him go or continue to be with him, but i had no confident to carry on with him.

Maybe this is the reason to y, becoz i already have a hint, we will not work out, through NS.

Maybe this is why, i was so confused then. Hmmz...

I just wan to disappear.. forever if i can.

I thank God, for giving me the chance to love, to be loved, and understand the true meaning of love.

Some of u might say, Eileen you are a dumb n stupid girl. But to me, so long he is happy, i feel it is all worth it.

This blog address, might be closed anytime soon. It will be kept private, as it shows my inner feelings towards him. But i do not want him, or wenya, or anyone from bb primers to sterotype their relationship, due to wat i wrote in here.

Like i always say, i only need him to be happy. It is ok for me, to feel hurt, but, i wun ever hope dat he will be hurt.

Of course, I will keep this blog going on, coz my feelings for him, will not stop just here. I may be living in the past, but, at least, i feel happier.

Eileen Misses Alvin Kok!

P.S. my new link is http://thy-couture.blogspot.com