Alvin is my Sole Choice. A sole Choice, will last forever.
If i nvr love him very much, i guess, I will nvr had been so upset.
These few days, more than a week, running to Nicolas, I thought I can completely forget him. But, i really cannot. Time spent with him, will reminds me of Wenya. Argh. I dont know what to do.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
Work is having problems... but not a major one for me, in fact, it might be a blessing in disguise.
Today, while watching SCV, i saw the male lead piggy back the lady. It reminded me of him again, of those days, we smile together, having lots of fun. I saw how he held on to her hands, telling her he will not let go. He used to said it to me, that was then.
Maybe my intuition was proven right again. I remember before he went into NS in 2007, we had a big problem, as i was struggling to let him go or continue to be with him, but i had no confident to carry on with him.
Maybe this is the reason to y, becoz i already have a hint, we will not work out, through NS.
Maybe this is why, i was so confused then. Hmmz...
I just wan to disappear.. forever if i can.
I thank God, for giving me the chance to love, to be loved, and understand the true meaning of love.
Today, while watching SCV, i saw the male lead piggy back the lady. It reminded me of him again, of those days, we smile together, having lots of fun. I saw how he held on to her hands, telling her he will not let go. He used to said it to me, that was then.
Maybe my intuition was proven right again. I remember before he went into NS in 2007, we had a big problem, as i was struggling to let him go or continue to be with him, but i had no confident to carry on with him.
Maybe this is the reason to y, becoz i already have a hint, we will not work out, through NS.
Maybe this is why, i was so confused then. Hmmz...
I just wan to disappear.. forever if i can.
I thank God, for giving me the chance to love, to be loved, and understand the true meaning of love.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Some of u might say, Eileen you are a dumb n stupid girl. But to me, so long he is happy, i feel it is all worth it.
This blog address, might be closed anytime soon. It will be kept private, as it shows my inner feelings towards him. But i do not want him, or wenya, or anyone from bb primers to sterotype their relationship, due to wat i wrote in here.
Like i always say, i only need him to be happy. It is ok for me, to feel hurt, but, i wun ever hope dat he will be hurt.
Of course, I will keep this blog going on, coz my feelings for him, will not stop just here. I may be living in the past, but, at least, i feel happier.
Eileen Misses Alvin Kok!
P.S. my new link is http://thy-couture.blogspot.com
This blog address, might be closed anytime soon. It will be kept private, as it shows my inner feelings towards him. But i do not want him, or wenya, or anyone from bb primers to sterotype their relationship, due to wat i wrote in here.
Like i always say, i only need him to be happy. It is ok for me, to feel hurt, but, i wun ever hope dat he will be hurt.
Of course, I will keep this blog going on, coz my feelings for him, will not stop just here. I may be living in the past, but, at least, i feel happier.
Eileen Misses Alvin Kok!
P.S. my new link is http://thy-couture.blogspot.com
Monday, March 9, 2009
Sleepy pig me... Slpt throughout the whole sunday. Wake up only for the period when i was talking to Pamela, about going for Exotic Dance with her. Goodness man, i finally found someone with same interest as me, mindset thinking same as me de, who was always so near to me, yet i never knew.
Hopefully WH can join too. Den we girls can hang out together, as per last time. This time, we can ignore those guys. Heez! I need more life can!
Sleeping in the day, and waking at night! How unearthly practice is this. I was never like this, until 4 mths ago, the break up. To avoid my parents nags, so i will behave like this.
Maybe i should start to do a switch back to my normal timing.
Addicted to online window shopping. At least, i would not impluse buy, which is a very good deal.
Should I decorate my pretty phone? Was browsing thru the japanese magazines, their phones are zheng till so pretty can! Woohoo! I guess if i made mine pretty, probably Pamela will drool over it also.
Oh yes, my colleague Jamie, also got the same kind of interest as me, we love japanese style! The GAL style. When everyone wans to buy clothes from Shah, only both of us dint, coz not our kind. Heehee... And she also want to buy crystals from Arab Street to zheng her phone. Goody goody!
After talking to Xav n Pam, i really feel, the other job option would be way better den what i m having now. Although I fear, but at least, I know Pam can understand what is installed for me now.
Maybe i should continue sleeping around 4am... working half day tml. Boo! What a day!
Hopefully WH can join too. Den we girls can hang out together, as per last time. This time, we can ignore those guys. Heez! I need more life can!
Sleeping in the day, and waking at night! How unearthly practice is this. I was never like this, until 4 mths ago, the break up. To avoid my parents nags, so i will behave like this.
Maybe i should start to do a switch back to my normal timing.
Addicted to online window shopping. At least, i would not impluse buy, which is a very good deal.
Should I decorate my pretty phone? Was browsing thru the japanese magazines, their phones are zheng till so pretty can! Woohoo! I guess if i made mine pretty, probably Pamela will drool over it also.
Oh yes, my colleague Jamie, also got the same kind of interest as me, we love japanese style! The GAL style. When everyone wans to buy clothes from Shah, only both of us dint, coz not our kind. Heehee... And she also want to buy crystals from Arab Street to zheng her phone. Goody goody!
After talking to Xav n Pam, i really feel, the other job option would be way better den what i m having now. Although I fear, but at least, I know Pam can understand what is installed for me now.
Maybe i should continue sleeping around 4am... working half day tml. Boo! What a day!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Ytd, i met him around 6pm. Went doctor... Was referred to a specialist for for detailed checkup. Thanks huh...
Cried to him again. Saw his mum, so long nvr see her le. She still talks to me alot, which is very good. Went to his hse, hug ger ger, hug him cry (thats all), help him do abit of household chores (hang the clothes).
Passed him the bag for him, as promised. Although i knew he told me dont need, but I prefer to keep my promises, because I dont like promise breakers, just like i mentioned in my entry 2 posts ago. His birthday, i got for him a bag, baked rice, a photoalbum artwork, a letter. and a comic book, plus the cake...
I will congrat to WY n Vin, for being together officially. Oh well, y should i right, some of u asking? I feel, though i do not like the idea, but at least, he is happy now. I just hope, he can stay happy
Alvin, i know you want me to move on. But i feel, i have my own right and my own feelings to consider. Wenya told me before, i have the right to miss you. And i feel, i have the right to continue loving you too. Because, it is my own problem, right? I hope to tell you, you are very lucky you are blessed that i helped you earlier on. From now onwards, since you have decided to be with her, i believe, she should be the one to protect you, as I should not be doing it le.
I hope Wenya, will not hurt him. My predictions will come true soon, though i m worried for him, but i feel, this is their problem, as I have already warned them.
Maybe now, i should sit back, fold my arms, and see bahx. I already did my best.
Went to find Nic help him do his HW again around 10.15am, after meeting Alvin. Oh, i dont know how much i can trust a guy la, but he did told me, such good friends like me, he only have 3, though he have thousands of pretty gers. Say whatever he likes la...
Left his hse at 7am, ya, you dint see wrongly. Time at his house passed very fast, coz we chit chat while we do the hw.
Daddy waked me up at 8.30am for breakfast. Duh! So tired can. I guess Nic muz be slping still, only poor me, got to wake up now. Lol, he also says, his body clock and slping hour had been tuned to more night life, ever since he knows me, coz i seldom got time to meet people, except at night.
Now, i guess i going to hit the sack for the rest of this sunny and hot sunday morning! Good night!
Cried to him again. Saw his mum, so long nvr see her le. She still talks to me alot, which is very good. Went to his hse, hug ger ger, hug him cry (thats all), help him do abit of household chores (hang the clothes).
Passed him the bag for him, as promised. Although i knew he told me dont need, but I prefer to keep my promises, because I dont like promise breakers, just like i mentioned in my entry 2 posts ago. His birthday, i got for him a bag, baked rice, a photoalbum artwork, a letter. and a comic book, plus the cake...
I will congrat to WY n Vin, for being together officially. Oh well, y should i right, some of u asking? I feel, though i do not like the idea, but at least, he is happy now. I just hope, he can stay happy
Alvin, i know you want me to move on. But i feel, i have my own right and my own feelings to consider. Wenya told me before, i have the right to miss you. And i feel, i have the right to continue loving you too. Because, it is my own problem, right? I hope to tell you, you are very lucky you are blessed that i helped you earlier on. From now onwards, since you have decided to be with her, i believe, she should be the one to protect you, as I should not be doing it le.
I hope Wenya, will not hurt him. My predictions will come true soon, though i m worried for him, but i feel, this is their problem, as I have already warned them.
Maybe now, i should sit back, fold my arms, and see bahx. I already did my best.
Went to find Nic help him do his HW again around 10.15am, after meeting Alvin. Oh, i dont know how much i can trust a guy la, but he did told me, such good friends like me, he only have 3, though he have thousands of pretty gers. Say whatever he likes la...
Left his hse at 7am, ya, you dint see wrongly. Time at his house passed very fast, coz we chit chat while we do the hw.
Daddy waked me up at 8.30am for breakfast. Duh! So tired can. I guess Nic muz be slping still, only poor me, got to wake up now. Lol, he also says, his body clock and slping hour had been tuned to more night life, ever since he knows me, coz i seldom got time to meet people, except at night.
Now, i guess i going to hit the sack for the rest of this sunny and hot sunday morning! Good night!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
After wy talk to me on msn ytd, vin called me. I called him back, and we chat over the phone for almost 2 hrs.
Cried to him about my worries, and unhappiness. We chat and laughed also. My heart lightened so much,and i slpt well. I missed him, really.
He told me he wanted to accompany me go this friday, too bad, i have to meet my ex colleagues tml. This week i m very busy. Delay again.
Sometimes, i really hope to leave all of them. Haiz.
Wenya, you can asked me " So i cannot accept you huh" ytd.. I dont know how to answer you. When vin n i were together, happily, during ndp 2006 and 2007, our times during Primers... You saw, you witness. I believe, you know and saw how much i loved him.
All these while, i treat you as my younger sister, as a friend whom i put my heart to treat you. But, when all these things happens, i asked myself before, can i treat you as the same.... At first, i cannot, because i hated you alot. Now, i can only say, a friend, yes you are.
I dont know, how far i can go in my life, without him...
You say, u will give him back to me, if.... But i can only tell u, i dun wan to snatch him from you. I dont want to be a third party. Though i really really hope and want him to be with me, so we can be a happy life, and to start a family together... But, i understand how painful to give up a person to another person. I cannot be a selfish person, to snatch people's love.
I dont want alvin to be unhappy. I want him to be happier. This is all. Although my life is in a big mess now, i really hope to say the word, 'I love you' to him. Not for what, but from the bottom of my heart, my true feelings.
Alvin n i believe in karma. I dont want my future to be worst den now, because, the pain is worst den death.
I hope u can understand.
Cried to him about my worries, and unhappiness. We chat and laughed also. My heart lightened so much,and i slpt well. I missed him, really.
He told me he wanted to accompany me go this friday, too bad, i have to meet my ex colleagues tml. This week i m very busy. Delay again.
Sometimes, i really hope to leave all of them. Haiz.
Wenya, you can asked me " So i cannot accept you huh" ytd.. I dont know how to answer you. When vin n i were together, happily, during ndp 2006 and 2007, our times during Primers... You saw, you witness. I believe, you know and saw how much i loved him.
All these while, i treat you as my younger sister, as a friend whom i put my heart to treat you. But, when all these things happens, i asked myself before, can i treat you as the same.... At first, i cannot, because i hated you alot. Now, i can only say, a friend, yes you are.
I dont know, how far i can go in my life, without him...
You say, u will give him back to me, if.... But i can only tell u, i dun wan to snatch him from you. I dont want to be a third party. Though i really really hope and want him to be with me, so we can be a happy life, and to start a family together... But, i understand how painful to give up a person to another person. I cannot be a selfish person, to snatch people's love.
I dont want alvin to be unhappy. I want him to be happier. This is all. Although my life is in a big mess now, i really hope to say the word, 'I love you' to him. Not for what, but from the bottom of my heart, my true feelings.
Alvin n i believe in karma. I dont want my future to be worst den now, because, the pain is worst den death.
I hope u can understand.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
While walking home today, suddenly, i found myself singing the songs "guang huai fang shi" and "dang ni gu dan ni hui xiang qi shei"... Hahax. Nice songs. Only he will know, y i love these songs so much.
4th of March today. Tomorrow marks the 6th mth, of me joining the current company. I need his advise on my career.
The results of what they wan... I m not going to tell them. No point, i feel. From the day he decides to leave me, regardless of my feelings to him, i feel, nothing can change him, nothing, not even this.
I can handle it myself. Should have confident in myself.
4th of March today. Tomorrow marks the 6th mth, of me joining the current company. I need his advise on my career.
The results of what they wan... I m not going to tell them. No point, i feel. From the day he decides to leave me, regardless of my feelings to him, i feel, nothing can change him, nothing, not even this.
I can handle it myself. Should have confident in myself.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Decision making is never easy! I am so tired.... I dont know what to do leh. Slp also cannot sleep well. Argh.
Called him ytd, while waiting for my friend to return to his hse. Reach home ard 3.30am. Tired can. Work today. Haiz...
Should I give it up? I dont know what to do... lost n confused for now... So many things to be done, so many things to consider, and yet, the deadline for everything, is just days away.
Somehow or other, i feel, being single might not be a bad thing after all. Though my heart still have him, i can go out with anyone my mood prefers. Hmmz... not bad.
Dear friends... if u guys want to do set up your own websites or need help in IT or designs, please leave me a msg, i got a website and a person to introduce, at low rate. PM me for the link. Thanks.
Called him ytd, while waiting for my friend to return to his hse. Reach home ard 3.30am. Tired can. Work today. Haiz...
Should I give it up? I dont know what to do... lost n confused for now... So many things to be done, so many things to consider, and yet, the deadline for everything, is just days away.
Somehow or other, i feel, being single might not be a bad thing after all. Though my heart still have him, i can go out with anyone my mood prefers. Hmmz... not bad.
Dear friends... if u guys want to do set up your own websites or need help in IT or designs, please leave me a msg, i got a website and a person to introduce, at low rate. PM me for the link. Thanks.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Sometimes, where will always be the first time, for people...
After breaking up with Baby in dec 2008, i have never slpt over at anyone's hse. I did so, at a friend's hse last night. This friend, i knew him 4 yrs ago, but i always ignore him in the past.
Hmmz... recently meeting the friend about 3 times in 2 weeks. Please do not mistaken, he is just a normal friend, not a boyfriend. We can never be together, because we are Bosum friends.
After knowing him, i feel, i grew mature, thinking things in better and wider perspective. His attitude, and professsionalism, is something i can learn.
Yes, y do i stayover his place... According to him, no girls slept on his bed before, and no girls overnight at his place before. Lol. But he is the one who requested me to be around, to help him with the website he was doing, his newly created company.
I reached his place at 6pm ytd, and we worked on the website till 9pm. Den he told me, lets start singing. He sang for me (he told me he never sang for anyone since 3 yrs ago)... Damn nice la his voice. When i heard the song " Guang Huai Fang Shi", i almost cried, because i think of Alvin. I missed him so much... really, i miss u Alvin.
We sang till 1am, den we continue with the website. Do the website till 5am, he cook for me to eat. Second time he cook for me, he claimed i am lucky, to be able to eat his cooking twice. People want also dont have.
We slpt at till 9am, den wake up le. Continue the website, till 7pm where i came home. Dint eat the whole day.
He damn funny, halfway through the website, he went to the toliet, asking me to continue thinking. :( Took him 10 mins to come back, i tot he drop inside toliet bowl. When he came back, he open the door and said "Bao Bei". For once i tot he talking rubbish, den he repeat saying "Bao Bei Da Xiao Jie, u tot of the idea alrd?" Anyway, i ignored his crapz.
So tired, using my brain cells for almost 24 hrs straight, super tired can.
I taught this Genius some ideas... Hahaz, suddenly i feel so smart can. He is a genius, IQ 194 leh... Stressed when facing him, coz sometimes the things he talk, hard to understand. First time, i encounter this kind of feeling, coz friends who know me, will know i can easily understand people's talking.
Ok, some of u are already guessing I will be with him already, right?
We are best friend only, y??? Because, his heart lives a girl, since 7 years ago. And my heart, lives my baby, Alvin Kok, since 4 years ago. Both of us understand each other so well. So, we are just enjoying each other's companion only.
Alot of girls like this friend of mine, coz he is handsome, smart and rich. Do the website, always see girls msn him, he will ignore them. I think he can guess what i wanted to ask, he told me, he seldom reply them, but sure reply me. Because, he needs my help, to provide him with the answers he want. Bad person.
I miss Alvin. :( i miss his hug. I understand how tiring running a business is already. Though it is not my business, but, i m so tired. I wan to hug Vin to slp...
After breaking up with Baby in dec 2008, i have never slpt over at anyone's hse. I did so, at a friend's hse last night. This friend, i knew him 4 yrs ago, but i always ignore him in the past.
Hmmz... recently meeting the friend about 3 times in 2 weeks. Please do not mistaken, he is just a normal friend, not a boyfriend. We can never be together, because we are Bosum friends.
After knowing him, i feel, i grew mature, thinking things in better and wider perspective. His attitude, and professsionalism, is something i can learn.
Yes, y do i stayover his place... According to him, no girls slept on his bed before, and no girls overnight at his place before. Lol. But he is the one who requested me to be around, to help him with the website he was doing, his newly created company.
I reached his place at 6pm ytd, and we worked on the website till 9pm. Den he told me, lets start singing. He sang for me (he told me he never sang for anyone since 3 yrs ago)... Damn nice la his voice. When i heard the song " Guang Huai Fang Shi", i almost cried, because i think of Alvin. I missed him so much... really, i miss u Alvin.
We sang till 1am, den we continue with the website. Do the website till 5am, he cook for me to eat. Second time he cook for me, he claimed i am lucky, to be able to eat his cooking twice. People want also dont have.
We slpt at till 9am, den wake up le. Continue the website, till 7pm where i came home. Dint eat the whole day.
He damn funny, halfway through the website, he went to the toliet, asking me to continue thinking. :( Took him 10 mins to come back, i tot he drop inside toliet bowl. When he came back, he open the door and said "Bao Bei". For once i tot he talking rubbish, den he repeat saying "Bao Bei Da Xiao Jie, u tot of the idea alrd?" Anyway, i ignored his crapz.
So tired, using my brain cells for almost 24 hrs straight, super tired can.
I taught this Genius some ideas... Hahaz, suddenly i feel so smart can. He is a genius, IQ 194 leh... Stressed when facing him, coz sometimes the things he talk, hard to understand. First time, i encounter this kind of feeling, coz friends who know me, will know i can easily understand people's talking.
Ok, some of u are already guessing I will be with him already, right?
We are best friend only, y??? Because, his heart lives a girl, since 7 years ago. And my heart, lives my baby, Alvin Kok, since 4 years ago. Both of us understand each other so well. So, we are just enjoying each other's companion only.
Alot of girls like this friend of mine, coz he is handsome, smart and rich. Do the website, always see girls msn him, he will ignore them. I think he can guess what i wanted to ask, he told me, he seldom reply them, but sure reply me. Because, he needs my help, to provide him with the answers he want. Bad person.
I miss Alvin. :( i miss his hug. I understand how tiring running a business is already. Though it is not my business, but, i m so tired. I wan to hug Vin to slp...
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