Some people asked, Eileen, last time u dint keep ur earholes de. You always pierced when u r unhappy, den y are u keeping the second earhole?

Last time, after the piercing, i want to remove the earring, is because I want to forget my unhappiness.

However, this time, i kept it. To remind myself, I was once a naive and innocent girl, who fell in love with a guy whom i though i will spend my life with. I changed myself unknowingly, to the girl he likes, though some people say, the leopard will never changed its spots. I forget how i used to be fierce at guys...

I remembered, we one had an unforgettable kiss outside NP, where both of us only have each other in one another's eyes. Dat was the true love, we used to have.

The piercing, is to remind myself, I trusted and loved someone before.

Though I will nvr be able to experience all these again in this life of mine again, this one, is the deepest memory in my heart.

I hope to keep all these in my memories, deep into my heart, where you belonged.

When can i smile happily again?

Maybe... my destiny has to be this way. Whoever planned it, is very nice to me. My friend, intro me his friend. Though we never met, we only sms or call, i have to thank God, for giving me such a nice friend, who can listen to me, understand wat i m going thru.

Maybe... this is the fate bahx..

Thanks Roy.. as my ex ex bf n a fren now, though we experienced alot of things at the same stage of our time... Thanks for sharing with me...

At least, someone understands me..

Sometimes, i wish my life can be like a fairy tale. A guy to take care of me, someone i loved. Getting married, have his kids and have a happy after life...

Well, this can never be true, i think.

:) At times i miss him... But i feel i have grown up le, after all these mths. Grown to be more lady likes, responsible.... Duno if this is good change or not. But, nvm, i change for myself, not anyone.

27th Jan... It is our tradition since 7 years ago, when we were still in Secondary School...

Too bad darling Elaine not feeling well, so she dint come with him. Misses her. Hope she is feeling better. Girl girl, :) smile.

3 years and 6 mths

Specially for Alvin... Our 3 years n 6th mths, on the first day of CNY 2009...

All about you....
- His fave colour : orange n blue (orange is number 1)
- Not much sense when dressing up (unless Allen enlightens him)
- Talk craps most of the time
- He is a thinker. (if he keeps quiet, and his eyebrows starts to lock, he is in the midst of thinking on something)
- Loves his bro first, his mum second, his popo third, his god mum fourth, his dad fifth - Love to DL things, and slp very late, wake up very late too
- Doesnt take care of himself very much
- Dont like to brush his teeth before going to bed (notti boy)
- Loves prawn noodle, teh bing, teh chino, Ichiban sushi, Swensens, BK, Pasta de Waraku
- Loves Lady Finger, Nutritea, Allswell, Longan, Home cooked food, his mum's macroni, yu mi fu zu, scallop porridge, durian, eat fast food (the drink without ice), BK's breakfast (with ice milo)
- Likes to play soccer ( always get himself injured, but he is always happy about it)
- Likes Japanese school girls
- Dont like girls to carry heavy bags, esp mag or books
- Likes girls who dress cutely (when he sees a cute girl on the street, he will disturb you by telling you, cute girl nehx)
- Loves babies and cute children (he wants at least 4 children), if on street see them, he will go gagaga over them
- Hopes to have a small small cosy little house of his own
- Scratch scratch is his fave hobby (coz he perspires, den it was salty, or it is very dry on his skin)
- Loves his blanket (follow him for 14 years le), vin, can i have it, please please?
- A very caring and think for others person
- Dont like to cut his hair (unless bobian)
- Likes to snack at night (very unhealthy lehx)
- Set alarm to wake up also no use. Is a dead sleeper. I used to call him 24 times to wake him up - He is a perfectionist (doesnt things slow, becoz he wans to make sure 100% to his standard)
- Very filial guy
- Likes to act cute n childish ( but his mind is very complicated n complex)
- He loves to play online games n his psp
- Loves the watch his brother got for him
- The most expensive gift he ever got, was the MP3 which I gave him
- Aspire to become a successful business man, doing the career he likes
- Doesnt like his wife to work (want her to be a homemaker)
- Dont like pple to rants, or talk, or disturb him, but he loves to disturb people
- Only way to wake him up, is to tell him softly, shake him, and tell him wake up (it works most of the time)
- Took his advance theory twice...
- Like to be stronger in front of others, because, he is a happy boy who brings joy n happiness to people ard him
- Think of others, before himself (unselfish person)
- Likes RnB, hopes to learn hip hop (my style too)
- Can speak some malay language
- Loves to play Mahjong with his buddy
- Dont like his dad to tell him do things last minute
- A very cute n handsome man he is
- Loves fresh cream cake, likes dark chocolate
- Loves to wear his orange pants
- Likes to hug girl girl to sleep
- Dotes n loves his gf alot (willing to do anything for her)
- Likes to discuss about business things, with his family members ( a very business minded family)
- Will always love his gong gong and god father, who are very impt to him
- His character is very similar to his mum n popo, very gentle person

With all these good n bad points about him, I never regret to say, I love you Alvin. I only hope you are happy now.

I love you...

Eileen

Was so happy, to know, he won $13 in the Mahjong game. Good job boy!

It is new year eve. For the past years after i know him, I will join his family for reunion dinner, at his place, at His grandparents house to eat... Always so happy...

This year, I m lost. Staying at my house. Suddenly, I got too much time to spare. In a way, it is good. I have reflected alot.

I will keep my things tidy, do housework. I will learn to cook nice food.

Had diahorra last night, felt totally weak. Slpt at 4am, coz my whole mind, was him and her again. Argh, I hate this feeling...

The day is finally over. Woke up at 7am, drag myself to work, demanding customers again. :( Alot of things happened this week. Apart from my report, my colleagues got complains, reports and all. Not a pleasant week for us. But we have endured it! Good job sia.

It is New Year's Eve tml. His aunt told me to get for them some red packets, becoz they claimed the place i working, provides nice red packets. I have got them le. Duno when got the chance to pass to them.

He good lor. Say want to pei po po... now at Ken's hse Mahjong. Alvin, u notty boy lor. If u meet me today, maybe I can pass u the red packets to your aunts. Notty notty vin vin.

Went to PS for a movie, with a friend. Inkheart! Not my kind of show, but i guessed, guys will love it. The person whom i watched with, is really CMI to me.

Any friends who thinks i talk too much, until you see this person, u will really faint lor. Talk non stop. Haiz... How to reject leh?

After the movie, I went to by CNY clothes. My dress theme for this year is sexy and school girl type... Cute can! Cant wait! Woohoo! Girls, dun drool when u see me, or attempt to molest me can?

I must continue my exercise, and get slimmer, to look better on cny. 2 more days to go.

I have tried my best to move on. But, everything just stopped on 9th Dec 2008. Though the earth continues to turn, but I think, my life stopped that day.

Pushing myself harder...

Struggling to stay firm.... Fighting my work war consistantly for 4 weeks alone. No weekend off, when i tot I will get my weekend off tomorrow, one of the officers decided to take her mc for 2 days. Of all days la... Maybe, it doesnt pays to be nice to people, just like my relationships...

After all the people took their weekend off, while i tot it is my turn, everything is like gone! I am so tired... Queues... I m learning to live with it, but, it is really so tired, till i just want to cry during work.

Hai.. Duno how long i can stand in. Headache, bad flu, super painful heart pain, backpain, legs pain. Very sianz... My head is throbbing. Tense shoulders.

Sometimes, how i wish he can help me to massage my shoulder, carry me to fly.... This action, nvr fails to make the down down emo me happy like a baby girl. I will just tell him, I want to fly fly... And there I go...

At night, when i see boy boy, i seem to be seeing him also. Dat was last time. Now, i dont wan to see it, just a hug everyday, becoz I want to keep my emotion up.

Come to think of it, I am indeed a stronger person le. Dint rant my problems n unhappines to people le. Even though stress and all is taking a toll on me, i will try my best, to carry on, to the best of my ability.

My future lies in my own hands... I want a degree, a good paying job (maybe when the economy is better), live my life happily. I dont need a man in my life, if it means hurt and pain to me.

Eileen will do a comeback soon, in 2 years time.

Past is past, while i do my waiting for him, life still goes on. I have confident, and is sure.

I m looking for new jobs... Becoz my Uni is starting soon. My new life is about to start soon. i just hope, i can leave everything in 2008. Walk down my life brand new, plus my bond with the company will end in March 2009, so, it is about time to start looking for a new job le.

I m missing him so much. I dont know. When I heard he n WY is going to be tgt soon, I cant help to remember, last time, he asked me, do you prefer 23 or 26th, i chose 26th. This mth 26th, by right shld be our 3 yr 6 mth, plus it is the first day of cny, how auspicious. But, things are so different now.

I am struggling to move on. Waiting... Waiting... Waiting... I want to grow up.

Uber busy! After work, i rushed down to Marina Square, Riz Carlton for my sis's 20th bdae celebration. After the dinner at Waraku, I went to Alvin's grandpa's wake. Left ard 1.30am, where he drove me back. He came up my house, and he is totally immerized with his potong ice cream la. After my house, he went back to the wake.

I woke up at 9.30 today, to go for Gong Gong's funeral. He left at 2am. I was tearing. When they send him in, i was crying like tap water can. Gong gong, i miss you... Haiz...

While I have decided to wait for him, I have also decided to let him be with the person he likes, because, loving a person u do not need to own him, but if he is happy with the person he likes, you will feel loved too. So, I will wait, while i continue my love for him...

Went to Gong Gong's wake right after work. Wanted to buy the prawn noodle for Alvin, scared he is hungry. But, was thinking he had prawn noodle ytd, plus his skin condition, he shld not be eating so much prawn noodle.

They have ritals today. Sat there from 8.15 to 11 plus, busy doing the paper money for Gong Gong. They burnt it at 11 plus. After burning, Alvin borrow his dad's car, and send me home. While we are leaving there, we saw SCDF pple.

Hmmz... work is utterly stress for me, especially about the report things... Lucky got a compliment letter today. Not so bad after all.

Seeing his relatives, i feel, i m a lucky person, at least, I am well liked by them.

I think, all thanks to Gong Gong, I am given this chance to see him everyday. Though it is not like the past, but i m already contented. I really really miss him alot alot.

And alvin, i m gona wait... Dont care.

I am super super duper duper stress. Variances... Argh, duno what will happen now lor.

My flu comes back again, which means my body immune system is down again. Plus I have been sleep talking, shouting and all again, meaning I m too stress.

Haiz..

Freaking hell.... Faints can, everyday see the long long queue, before i stepped in the workplace. Vomit blood la.

Den people scolding n scolding, drowning me with their salivas, throwing temper. All i can do is, breathe in breathe out, calm down, telling myself, dun box them eileen, dun box them. Lol!

Everyday, so worry something will go wrong. I am so tired, very brain draining.... very very very tired.

Eileen is tired, of work, of not having a support. :( I will try to be a stronger girl.

Working has been very stressful! Can people stop queing up? I am so worried of losing vouchers and all. Haiz.

I need a pillar to support on. Who can be the someone, who can be 24/7 with me? Haiz...

The rest of the things, I dun wan to think, i just wan to pass these 2 weeks smoothly.

I m getting the hang of my job le. 111 vouchers, exceeding my seniors again! Yeah! Good job!

I wan to lose more weight. My colleagues are saying, eileen are getting more sexy with my new dressing style... woohoo!

I m addicted to the show Love Or Bread. I remember asking him before, if he will choose love or bread? I dont care for any reason now, becoz, my heart is totally saddened by him. But, xing jie hai xu xing yap yi.

The show is recommended by Gracie, the girl whom me n alvin know when we were working at expo, for primers for one day. I remember having the poloride photo of me n alvin, with her. Very sweet girl, who consoled me about things.

Oh yes, my brother did very well for his exams, L1R5 at 11 pts, L1R4 at 9 points, dats before he got his deduction for his 4 points, which he got from his cca and his other achievements.

Just read his blog. It is good to see, u have grown up. Well, u might look childish, because u want pple ard u to be happy, to smile. But ur mind, is so deep in thoughts, mature thinking.

:) I hope, and pray hard, gong gong will be alright. I never see that gong gong was just urs. I m worry for him, because I regard him as my own. I hope u can tell me everything of him. Becoz i m worried for him.

It is not that i dint want to meet u. U cannot imagine, how happy I was, to see your picture appearing on my handphone, after 4 days. I missed you so much.

I told u, I do not want to see you, becoz i m afraid of rejections. Please give me a path to move on for now, becoz i no longer have the pillar of my life. My feet is not strong enuf, to pull me thru the hard work dat is lying in front of me. I do not need any things, to shattered my life again for now.

Heartbroken, sadness... doubt u nvr experience before, becoz u have always been the one to ditch people. I just hope dat, u can grow up, be responsible to what u have said to others. DOnt give empty promises, or else, no girls will believe you anymore.

Until I am ready to face u you again. Alvin, though disappointment is what I feel now, but, I just want to tell u, I still loves n miss u dearly. Maybe the only thing to make u feel better for all dat u have done to me, is for me to move on. I will try my very best, I dont know how long i can walk this journey alone, but, our memories together, will accompany me, till u come back to me again.

Left thumb over your right thumb, means the person is calm n rational person. Right over left thumb tends to act impulsively.

Everyone will die one day, it is nothing. But the worst part is, to part with someone you love.

Once you deem someone as evil, whatever he do, will seems evil to you, and you will do evil things like the person. Because your senses are blinded by misunderstandings...

Things in future, we cannot determine today.

To give fearlessly.. Helping and supporting the person you love, even though you might not get any return, but its the effort it counts.

Some quotes, i learn from tv today

Today is the 10th of Jan 2009. I just realised I haven done any new year resolution yet.

Mine will be:
1) my little secret
2) Work to be smoother
3) Do well in my studies
4) my little secret...

I feel like chopping off my long hair for a brand new me. Shld i?

I feel like going for my braces. I once put off this thought, cause of him, he made me confident with them.

Its all abt him, again! What am i supposed to do?

I dread abt the coming week... horrible! I had a nightmare over it last night. Dint slp well for the past 2 weeks, even with medication help. Hai, panda liao le la. CNY coming, mummy n sis bdae coming...

I m beginning to feel myself childish, to believe everything everyone said. :( Now i duno how to trust totally, because so many things, made me lose trust.

Can I kill myself?

he also did tell mi that if u have agreed that proposed...ur would not hav break up le

Many of my friends are worried and concern about me. Thank you gentleman and ladies! I am fine.

Well, in life, there are ups and downs. Friends, there are many kinds too. But for one who can really understand how much I have been through and saw how much I have grown in this relationship, I guess other than him, it will be Michelle and Xavier.

I really thank them, for understanding and supporting me all these while. While everyone gave me their support and encouragement to move on, all of you know it is difficult. Actually, it is not that difficult, is whether I want or not.

But if you know me deep and well, I am not the kind of girl who gives up easily. If I dont my effort, and I give up, I feel I will be letting myself down, I do not like regrets in my life.

To Alvin Kok, Remember what I told u before? Yes, in NS you might have matured, but it is undeniable that a lady's thoughts will most likely be more mature than that of a male's. What you are going through now, I have been through before. I managed to pull through, is because of your help, ur care, your love, your support. When I looked into your eyes, I know what you are thinking, usually. On Sunday when I saw you, I know immediately, that you feel you might not love me anymore, but deep down in your heart, ask urself, is it this way? You can let me go just like dat? Or now ur heart tells u, Alvin, let her go, because you loves her, and she deserves someone way better than you?

A relationship is not just maintaining the love between the couple. If this is all we do, then the feeling sure fade, sooner or later. It is about falling in love with the same person, over and over again, through the care and concern, the little things he or she has done, and surprises and understanding he or she can do.

Listen to the deepest in your heart. I can tell u something. If you think these 3 years with you, I have become someone who clings on you, lacks of confidence, I will show you, the woman in me. It is my motto, never gives up, until you have try your very best.

To end this post, I love you.

Hmmz... Juz ended work at 2.30pm, went home straight. Nowhere to go... Used my computer n tv, super no life.

Hai...

17th Sister bday, 19th Mum bdae, den this mth we also have pamela's bdae.

First day of 2009

Welcome to the new Year, 2009! This year, I spend it with my dearest girls, at Mich Lim's House. Instead of calling for delivery or potluck, we met at Heartland Mall to buy ingredients, and cook delicious pasta at her house. We had our fill, watch tv, play board games and cards.

Slpt at 4am at my house. Woke at 10am. Cant slp further. Haiyo, tml I am going to do relief at a place, where I duno. Good thing is, the place closed at 4.30am, so I can go home earlier. Hee!

I feel like going or hou hua jian's concert on 7th Feb. Should I?

Gor and his fiance are sick :( I hope they are feeling better.

I miss him. I cant deny to anyone, dat I no longer loves him, nor miss him. It is a 3 year plus relationship. What we have been through is not what anyone can understand. I have been thinking of him, as and when.

Alvin, I know you read this. Just something to share with you when I spoke to Pamela today. She and weiyuan broke up, was because Pauline told WY sth. I am not saying what she says is wrong, or misleading. However, we are all grown ups.

In life, friends and mentors are people who gave us advises and opinions when we are unable to sort our thoughts. Thankfully with them at times, we are able to reach our desired outcome by being enligtened. However, sometimes they might not be the parties involved to now the exact situation, feelings and memories. Therefore, we should reasses, think twice or thrice, consider the outcome beore coming to a conclusion, so as not to have any regrets in our life.

When comes to relationship, no single relationship experience is similar to that of another couple's, which is why love is exclusive to dat special someone.